


Be the Balm for My Soul

by Akiko_Natsuko



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Post-Tartaros Arc (Fairy Tail)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 05:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: They all felt Lucy’s loss that was hanging unspoken and undefinable between them, and Lucy felt Cana squeeze her from behind, reassuring her that they hadn’t forgotten. Yet, Cana’s words were a reminder of what she had been fighting for, what they had all been fighting for. 'You’re not lonely anymore', the words that had been spoken what felt like a lifetime echoed in her mind, and Lucy’s breath caught.Aquarius, I’m not alone.





	Be the Balm for My Soul

   It was Juvia who found Lucy first, seeking her out as the guild stood around the Dragon-slayers said their farewells, and stepping up beside her. There were no words, which was a good thing as Lucy wasn’t sure that she had any at that moment, or least not any that she could say without the tears starting to fall once more, and it was a relief when her girlfriend merely grasped her hand. However, the tight grip and the warmth of Juvia pressing against her told a different story. Juvia knew. Maybe not the specifics of what had happened, but she must’ve seen the tears on Lucy’s cheeks when they had come to rescue her or feel it in the tremors that were beginning to wrack her body once more, now that they no longer had an enemy to fight.

_Aquarius is gone._

    It had always been going to bubble up again, the weight of that loss one that couldn’t be shifted through victory – if they could even call it that, however, now it slammed into her like a tidal wave, and she staggered. Maybe it was the realisation that everything was over, the Dragons who had saved them all fading away in a glimmer of sparks that reminded her too much of her spirit’s final farewell, or the fact that she wasn’t alone, the Water Mage already moving to support her.

“J-Juvia…” Her voice cracked and broke, feeling as though the tears half a step behind, and she turned without thinking to bury her face against Juvia. “I…” She could voice her loss yet, the words catching in her throat because to say it aloud. To tell someone else would make it real, and she wasn’t strong enough for that, not yet. _Aquarius, I…Aquarius…_ There was so much she wanted to say, that she needed to say to the spirit that had always been at her side, and now it was too late. All she had was unspoken words, a burning in her eyes as she fought tooth and nail against the tears, regrets and an ache in her heart that she didn’t think would ever heal. And it was too much as she pressed as close to her girlfriend as she could, fingers biting into Juvia’s dress, clinging to the other woman in the hopes that it would be enough to keep her anchored.

    Juvia had stiffened at her broken words, but her arms were quick to wrap around Lucy, holding the Celestial Mage close. She didn’t waste her breath on meaningless reassurances, feeling as though Lucy was adrift at the moment, even though she was right there in her arms, and that words alone wouldn’t be enough to help. Instead, she focused on holding Lucy, hands moving in soothing circles against the trembling back, even as she looked around in panic, searching for their third. She didn’t know what had happened, but she couldn’t forget the sight of Lucy laid out on the ground, injured and frightened, tears rolling down her cheeks for all that she had smiled at the sight of them.

     There was a flicker of movement in the corner of her eye, and water rose around Juvia, her nerves still on edge. And it was the flinch from Lucy, rather than the sight of Cana hurrying towards them with a worried expression that made her rein in her magic, heart twisting painfully in her chest because Lucy had never reacted to her magic like that before. _What happened?_ There was a desperation in hold now, as she tightened her grip, turning desperate eyes on Cana as the other woman skidded to a halt beside them. Sharp eyes taking in the sight of them practically curled around one another, before meeting Juvia’s gaze with a question in her eyes, and Juvia hated that all she could do was shake her head. _I don’t know…_

“Lucy,” Cana murmured, careful to warn Lucy before she reached out and rest a hand on the blonde’s shoulder, and Juvia saw her eyebrows climb as she felt how badly their girlfriend was trembling, and the resolve that followed. “We’re going home.” It wasn’t a suggestion, and Juvia felt relief grip her as Lucy finally moved, nodding her head slightly, some of the tension easing out of her frame.

    Lucy could have sobbed with relief at having the decision taken out of her hand. However, she didn’t dare let the tears fall. Not here, and not yet, and she let her head fall back against Juvia’s shoulder. Distantly she heard Cana and Juvia making their excuses to the others, letting their friends know where they would be if they were needed, and she tried not to resent it, knowing that right now it was important for everyone to be accounted for. But right now, she wanted nothing more than to hide away from the world with Juvia and Cana, a small part of her not sure if she was even ready to share her grief with them. Still, no one appeared to expect anything from her, although she could feel other eyes on her now, worried and assessing at once, and she was shrinking, trying to hide away when a warm hand brushed her cheek.

    She didn’t want to lift her head, to open her eyes and see this world without Aquarius, but the touch was gentle, and pleading and Juvia was squeezing her lightly, and she couldn’t deny either of them even now. Slowly she opened her eyes, vision blurring for a second, the tears brimming although they had yet to fall and she had to blink to clear them, trying not to focus on the voices and faces that lay beyond the tiny oasis that had formed between her girlfriends. “Let’s go home,” Cana was at their side again, voice gentle in a way that it only was around the two of them, and it helped. The others fading away as her world narrowed to the two wonderful women who were carefully manoeuvring her until she was between them, both with an arm around her, and she took a deep breath.

“Okay…”

**

    Lucy had no memory of the walk home, trusting Juvia and Cana to get her there safely, and letting her thoughts wander. Although she carefully skittered away from the darker thoughts, the ones reeking of pain and grief in the back of her mind, the ones that had made her flinch at Juvia’s magic for a split second before she had reminded herself of the difference. Remembering that she reached out blindly, brushing against Juvia in silent apology, still not focusing on them or the world, and missing the concern glance that was shared above her head.

    It was only when she felt warm hands against her shoulders, while others began to tug at her ragged clothing that she came back to herself, startled to find herself within the familiar four walls of her own bathroom. A shudder working its way through her as she glanced at the bath, her gaze becoming fixed on the water coming from the spouts. _Aquarius…_ The urge to break. To scream. To weep was rising, and her breath caught in her throat, her control wavering and tensing until she thought that it was about to shatter. Then her view of the bath was blocked, Cana moving to stand in front of her, worry written openly across her face.

“It’s okay, you don’t need to do anything,” Cana murmured, and Lucy realised that she was the one holding her shoulders, grounding her.

“Let us take care of you.” Juvia was just as quiet, hands gentle as she began to ease the ragged clothing off Lucy’s body, and the Celestial Mage tensed for a moment before melting again, almost limp as she let them do what they wanted. She didn’t have the strength to fight, not anymore, and she was lost. She didn’t know how to deal with this, and right now her mind was so chaotic that the thought of having to do anything left her shaking and ready to cry, but Cana and Juvia were there, gentle but insistent.

     Their touches against her aching body were a balm after the violence of the last few days. Their lips, trailing kisses against her skin, marking each cut and bruise and easing the sting with gentle worship kept her focused on the physical, away from the darkness in the back of her mind. Their voices, not wasted on reassurances or questions, but promises to stay with her, declarations of love and safety, kept her anchored as they guided her into the bath. She flinched at the water lapping around her battered body, but Cana was there behind her, pulling her flush, a sentinel against the emotions she wasn’t ready to face, and Juvia was in front of her, an apology and a shadow of hurt in blue eyes, as she started to gently wash her.

_She knows._

    Lucy could remember flinching, and she knew that Juvia had noticed. For the first time since she’d surrendered herself to their care, she reached out, fingers trembling as she cusped Juvia’s cheek. “I’m sorry…” Her voice was barely audible, but Juvia’s expression softened, catching her hand before Lucy could let it fall back into the water, pressing a kiss to each fingertip.

“Juvia doesn’t need an apology…” The slip back into her normal speech pattern, something that had been easing around them, told Lucy that she had hit a nerve earlier. However, before she could try and voice another apology, Cana had leaned forward and dropped her head onto her shoulder, pressing a kiss to her ear and then the side of the neck.

“All of that can wait,” she said softly, nuzzling Lucy as she glanced at Juvia, and for the first time, they saw a crack in her armour as her voice wavered. “W-We’re here, together, and that’s all that matters.”

    It wasn’t the only thing that mattered, they all felt Lucy’s loss that was hanging unspoken and undefinable between them, and Lucy felt Cana squeeze her from behind, reassuring her that they hadn’t forgotten. Yet, Cana’s words were a reminder of what she had been fighting for, what they had all been fighting for. _You’re not lonely anymore,_ the words that had been spoken what felt like a lifetime echoed in her mind, and Lucy’s breath caught. _Aquarius._

_I’m not alone._

    In the end, it was that thought, combined with Cana’s unyielding presence at her back, and Juvia’s firm but tender hold on her hand, that brought the tears. There were fingers against her cheek, catching the first ones even as they rolled down her cheeks before the first sob had even hit, and then they were both there, hugging her tight between them, bath water spilling over the side. She was sobbing now, not the heart-broken wailing that had wracked her back then, but softer, something easing in her chest. She would tell them later, probably when they were snuggled in their bed, the darkness was a little less daunting as she melted into their embrace. For now, and with Aquarius’ words in her mind, almost like a blessing, she was content to be held, their love a balm for her aching soul.

 


End file.
